I’m a Failure and I’m Proud – My Lame Script

99.9% of YouTube videos go largely unnoticed. 500,000 videos are uploaded everyday, 6.1 million videos in total (which requires 45 terabytes of storage). Those are some pretty scary numbers for a boy whose trying to become a YouTube star. One thing I learned through my extensive research of YouTube was that failures are accepted. Only a handful of videos are successful which means that most of them end up chopped into pieces on the kitchen floor. I learned that by simply being yourself you will be noticed, people tend to try to be someone that they are not, which is sad. Be yourself, love yourself, and fail yourself you’ll learn more.

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(begin with a title page, followed by me lip – syncing a song in a funny manner)

Hello people of Youtube (coughing ‘nerds’). Today I’m gonna open up and talk about things that pi (stop saying) ticks me off. Now in Asia and Europe, Football is big but everywhere else in the world it’s called soccer. There two different things people!!! Wake up!!! Soccer is the sport where people kick a freakin’ white and black ball and Egyptian referees issue red cards (imitate referee). Football is where 400-pound gorillas wrestle midgets who are trying to throw the ball to the other side, and referees issue yellow ‘flags’ (throw a flag at the camera). I also hate to play soccer. It’s a pointless sport. Seriously! You go up and down the field sideways punch a few guys here and there insult their mothers, punch them again. Oh yeah, there is a goal every 30 minutes! I mean when I play I go this way, that way, and that way and there is no score! I mean it’s like a marathon in circles. There is absolutely no point in that. Nada. None. I also suck, but that has nothing to do with this. Now another thing that really makes me pi – ticked off is the term “government”. I mean I think that they’re doing a fantastic job, especially those in the states (mischievous grin). The name really pi – ticks me off. (laughing) Why do I keep doing that?!?! I mean the term government, if taken literally mean people who govern, not people who stay in their mansion, that are paid for by our tax monies, drink beer and get drunk, go to clubs, have their faces stamped on the headlines of newspapers for doing nothing and launch wars on innocent countries – cause that’s not right (wave arms all around the place). I mean when I think of government, I would like to think of people patrolling streets bossing people around. “Timmy don’t eat the green stuff coming out of the dog!” “Timmy, John McCain(‘s hair) is not a toy!” “Jimmy! Get off of Timmy!” (Laugh) Imagine George Bush doing that! But in all seriousness, if the government just do their job I wouldn’t complain…… a lot. I would like also to extend my congratulations to Paris Hilton, whose has found a new boyfriend…..s. I really have nothing else to talk about………. I ate eggs in the morning……… How do you like your eggs in the morning? Comment below, thanks for watching.

Roads of Glory

This is a transcript of my first youtube video, which I hope will launch me into fame and fortune. If you don’t know already know (which you probably don’t) I want to be a youtube sensation, which is not impossible, but simply friggin’ hard. I hope you get a few laughs reading the script and if you don’t, it means you have no sense of humor.

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Good morning everybody, and if your Americans good afternoon – if your from Europe this show is not for you. Now this is my debut in Youtube, aside from some videos my teacher made me do – don’t go searching for them, the youtube nerds deleted them. Now to begin I am going to tell you frankly – I wanna be famous. Hey if Paris Hilton could be famous for doing nothing why can’t I? That phrase is starting to get cliché.
Now in the midst of the recent presidential election it would be idiotic of me not to talk about it. The incumbent just makes me laugh…. Anyway lets start with the Democratic Presidential Primaries where Monica Lewinsky’s boyfriend’s wife is going against the tough Barack Obama. Now they are in tight tight, tight, neck and neck race. Now if one of them becomes president it is going to be difficult for people to adjust because the current president is so funny and neither of them is well – they are had to make fun of. I can imagine Hilary in the White House (sobbing) “My fellow Americans I – I – I’m so sorry whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I dated Matthew Lewinsky!!!” And the approval ratings will go kablamooo! (up, in reference to her NH win). And Mr. Obama will make one of his memorable speeches “my fellow Americans, we are bombing Iraq, because we’re America” I don’t know?!?! Now I like Obama because I don’t like Hilary, just something about her. (funny hand gestures). Anyway I have a gut feeling that one of them is going to become the next President, just because FOX News tells me to think that way. That’s where I get my news!!! Now moving on to the Republican side of the primaries Mr. John McCain leads the nomination thing. Let’s get a picture over there – oooooooooh…. Slap a beard on him kind of looks like Santa Claus – or the KFC grandpa. Anyway he’s opposed by Mike Huckabee, who is not going to be able to win the race because it is “mathematically impossible”. He responded to the pundits, cynics, doubters, and me by saying “I didn’t major in math, I majored in miracles.” Last time I checked he didn’t major in miracles……… he majored in something else. Unless your name is Jesus… Now I’ve been doing some research on this guy – THANK YOU WIKIPEDIA!!! – and he’s jobless… I know! He was the “former” governor of Arkansas. I hope he’s not homeless. I mean I bet like one day the man as going house shopping and thought of the idea of living in the White House. I mean like “honey how bout the White House” and she says “Okay!!!”. And there’s the other guy Ron Paul – I feel sorry for him. The man is one hundred seventy eight years old, rumored to be older. I bet Jesus was in his yearbook. The man look like your cranky old teethless grandpa – not your president, I mean compared to him Ronald Reagen looks like a Britney Spears – when she shaved her head. Now before I close my segment let me say something – remember to tip your taxi driver.

Photo Credit – sadashiva

Attack of the Asian Nerds: My Improbabale Journey to Stardom

I’m funny. Really. Believe it baby. Well, maybe in your eyes I’m just a short good looking freshman, but to the world I want to be known as something greater – a funny kid. Yet, the world has not discovered my talents, and so I decided to reach out to them through a single, but powerful outlet – YouTube.

I’m a kid among millions, in such a large group there are bound to be a couple thousand better than me at something – sports, academics, picking up girls etc. Yet, something that they lack and I don’t is the will and determination to become famous. Well to be quite honest, a bunch of them probably want to achieve fortune and fame, but I want only the latter (REALLY!!! yeah) and I want it on YouTube.

Getting famous is not as easy as it sound – it can be life-changing (check that – it is life-changing!). My improbable journey is an uphill climb, and I intend on making it to the top. Lately, I’ve been doing some “researching” around YouTube and discovered that some of the funniest people out there are Asians, kind of hard to believe in such a racist country such as the US (no offense). Kevjumba  is by far my favorite although nigahiga, and Happyslip are also funny (and Asian). However, one YouTuber(?) I could probably relate the most to is the guy who hosts What The Buck show, (he’s gay, I’m not) which is basically a satirical take on all things gossip. Most of them got famous by getting featured on the YouTube homepage (how I don’t know), and some of them are even getting paid by YouTube ($-$ – but seriously I won’t do it for the money). I found that by replying to a popular video could get you some popularity, although because so many people do it, my video will get buried. I also found out that my user names usually exhibit creativity, and there are accounts devoted to comedians (God’s calling . I was thinking of doing Ajummas, because no one in the US knows what it means and it sounds alright (I was thinking of like challenging my audience to google it – they’ll never see it coming – I’m laughing already).

I’m a rather impatient kid, and as a result I want, will, and must upload two videos. My first script needs some editing because it seems a little outdated, and my second script seems pretty funny. I also want to get more engaged in Twitter because if I go online every like month it seems like I’m soliciting their help without giving anything in return. I plan to be more aggressive, and I am desperately trying to get in touch wih some of the YouTube comedian (KevJumba has live chats on UStream and his email is on YouTube, so I’m getting there). Mr. Burell also suggested I get international correspondents – I think its a good idea, but one I’m not comfortable with the idea until I get a general idea of what I want to do. I do a really good Obama and McCain impression, but I can’t do Hilary for obvious reasons.

I feel I have a sense of direction of what ‘m doing and I feel really good about this. A thought that occurred to me the other day was an interesting yet scary one – I could be famous, my life could change, all because of one class. Just goes to show you how much a PLN class could achieve.

Photo Credit – soggydan,  Marc van der Chijs

Before the Knife Hits the Head – Sushi Bar?!

The youth years are always a joy – playing baseball on lazy summer days, eating junk food every other day, and chasing girls are just a few things that make it so fun. I grew up in the heart of New York City – Manhattan – so I was destined in a sense to have an abnormal childhood. The eight years I had spent there was nothing short of amazing, everything that I possibly wanted was at my fingertips and the world was performing a play on my own backyard – everything happened in New York.

Diversity is claimed to be high in New York – looking in front of the street is like staring at a rainbow. Nonetheless, I was always the only Asian kid in my class (except in third grade where there was a Japanese girl, who didn’t speak a word of her mother tongue, so….. she doesn’t count), an ironic fact considering I was always in a class filled with thirty kids. When I entered middle school, my last year in the dirty great city, my wonderful classmates gave me the nickname “Sushi”, a name I dreaded more than hate itself.

I left New York the following year, heartbroken to leave the city I loved so dearly. Yet, I decided to carry with me the very nickname that I despised so dearly. But, I realized that rice covered in seaweed, and I will be forever intertwined with New York City.

Photo Credit – acnatta