Roads of Glory

This is a transcript of my first youtube video, which I hope will launch me into fame and fortune. If you don’t know already know (which you probably don’t) I want to be a youtube sensation, which is not impossible, but simply friggin’ hard. I hope you get a few laughs reading the script and if you don’t, it means you have no sense of humor.

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Good morning everybody, and if your Americans good afternoon – if your from Europe this show is not for you. Now this is my debut in Youtube, aside from some videos my teacher made me do – don’t go searching for them, the youtube nerds deleted them. Now to begin I am going to tell you frankly – I wanna be famous. Hey if Paris Hilton could be famous for doing nothing why can’t I? That phrase is starting to get cliché.
Now in the midst of the recent presidential election it would be idiotic of me not to talk about it. The incumbent just makes me laugh…. Anyway lets start with the Democratic Presidential Primaries where Monica Lewinsky’s boyfriend’s wife is going against the tough Barack Obama. Now they are in tight tight, tight, neck and neck race. Now if one of them becomes president it is going to be difficult for people to adjust because the current president is so funny and neither of them is well – they are had to make fun of. I can imagine Hilary in the White House (sobbing) “My fellow Americans I – I – I’m so sorry whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I dated Matthew Lewinsky!!!” And the approval ratings will go kablamooo! (up, in reference to her NH win). And Mr. Obama will make one of his memorable speeches “my fellow Americans, we are bombing Iraq, because we’re America” I don’t know?!?! Now I like Obama because I don’t like Hilary, just something about her. (funny hand gestures). Anyway I have a gut feeling that one of them is going to become the next President, just because FOX News tells me to think that way. That’s where I get my news!!! Now moving on to the Republican side of the primaries Mr. John McCain leads the nomination thing. Let’s get a picture over there – oooooooooh…. Slap a beard on him kind of looks like Santa Claus – or the KFC grandpa. Anyway he’s opposed by Mike Huckabee, who is not going to be able to win the race because it is “mathematically impossible”. He responded to the pundits, cynics, doubters, and me by saying “I didn’t major in math, I majored in miracles.” Last time I checked he didn’t major in miracles……… he majored in something else. Unless your name is Jesus… Now I’ve been doing some research on this guy – THANK YOU WIKIPEDIA!!! – and he’s jobless… I know! He was the “former” governor of Arkansas. I hope he’s not homeless. I mean I bet like one day the man as going house shopping and thought of the idea of living in the White House. I mean like “honey how bout the White House” and she says “Okay!!!”. And there’s the other guy Ron Paul – I feel sorry for him. The man is one hundred seventy eight years old, rumored to be older. I bet Jesus was in his yearbook. The man look like your cranky old teethless grandpa – not your president, I mean compared to him Ronald Reagen looks like a Britney Spears – when she shaved her head. Now before I close my segment let me say something – remember to tip your taxi driver.

Photo Credit – sadashiva